I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
