it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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