Your mouth is God's brothel.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
