who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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