she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
