3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
