You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
