You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
