my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
