Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
