Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
