she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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