This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
