His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
then he tried to convert me to islam
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
