I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
