none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think I won the penis lottery.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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