his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
