What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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