You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize