I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
