I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
