I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
