it hurts more in the daytime
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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