ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
