After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
