it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
