remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
