She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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