it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
