I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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