I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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