she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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