Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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