Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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