they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
