u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
