you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
