The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
