I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
