I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
