Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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