how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
