Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
