Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
