fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
