jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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