I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
