hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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