so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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