she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
