just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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